Friday, April 26, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The Last Crusader
Just one month ago, I was your typical fry cook at the Palma de Mallorca McDonalds. With a wife, young son, and a baby on the way, I knew I had to make a change for my family. But how? I dropped out of school when Marta got pregnant. I have no marketable skills, I have no talent.
"Baby, it's ok. We'll get by," Marta always says whenever I feel down about our situation. "Just keep smiling. Everyone loves your smile, especially me."
I guess it's true. Ever since I was young, people would comment on my smile. Even strangers have commented that my smile makes them feel like we've been friends for years. Marta always says she fell in love with me when she saw me smiling for my school photo. She introduced herself, and we've been inseparable since.
One day, I left for work 20 minutes earlier than usual. I walked by the port just as a cruise ship was letting its passengers off. I saw a stray cat waiting patiently by the waiting buses for pets and scritches from the new visitors. I couldn't help but smile. Just then, I was stopped by a group of tourists. I figured they wanted directions to the cathedral. This happens a lot. The cruise ships come in almost every day, and no one ever knows where they're going. Most tourists don't speak Spanish, so I've become handy with non-verbal communication.
I pointed toward the cathedral, but they shook their heads and made a gesture and clicking sound. The international sign for "Can you please take my picture?" I reached for the camera and they shook their heads and pointed at me. They wanted to take my picture. Not just of me, but with their group. They handed their camera to a passerby and crowded around me. What else could I do but smile?
The passerby seemed amused by my confusion, so he stuck around and translated for me. The group of tourists explained that they do this everywhere they go; they have their photo taken with a friendly local. They'd been walking around Palma for a few hours, and had almost given up on finding someone, after being accosted by sketchy street vendors and aggressive taxi drivers. Then they saw me smile at the baby bird and they knew I was their friendly Palma local. They asked me where the cathedral was, I pointed toward it, they handed me 20 Euros and were on their way.
I laughed. This was crazy! 20 Euros for not even five minutes of my time?
By this time, we'd attracted quite a crowd, and more tourists asked for photos and directions. After about 15 minutes of photos with complete strangers, I walked to McDonald's 200 Euros richer. It was more than I made after a full day of work at my full-time job!
That was my light bulb moment. I'll pose with tourists for a living! I will be the unofficial ambassador to my island! I will save my family from the brink of poverty! I couldn't stop smiling, even as the fry grease splattered my apron.
"Are you crazy?!" Marta wasn't as excited as I was. "You can't just quit your job! What if the next cruise ship doesn't want to take pictures with you?"
She was right. I had to do a test run to make sure this was a viable idea.
I made sure to leave for work 20 minutes early every day for the next month to ensure I was at the port when the cruise ships arrived. And each day, the tourists came. "Smile!" they said, and the money followed after I pointed them to the cathedral. I brought home anywhere from 100 to 350 Euros per day!
Marta still wasn't convinced, but she gave her blessing. "If it doesn't work out, there's always Burger King," she added dryly. I gave McDonald's my notice.
The day before my "first day at work", I wracked my brain wondering how to make it special. I took a walk to clear my head and glimmer caught my eye. A crusader costume in the party store window. The cathedral was ordered to be built by a crusader, it's our top tourist attraction. Could this be any more perfect?
So here I am. The cruise ship arrives in 10 minutes. I'm dressed as a crusader. Let's do this.
"Baby, it's ok. We'll get by," Marta always says whenever I feel down about our situation. "Just keep smiling. Everyone loves your smile, especially me."
I guess it's true. Ever since I was young, people would comment on my smile. Even strangers have commented that my smile makes them feel like we've been friends for years. Marta always says she fell in love with me when she saw me smiling for my school photo. She introduced herself, and we've been inseparable since.
One day, I left for work 20 minutes earlier than usual. I walked by the port just as a cruise ship was letting its passengers off. I saw a stray cat waiting patiently by the waiting buses for pets and scritches from the new visitors. I couldn't help but smile. Just then, I was stopped by a group of tourists. I figured they wanted directions to the cathedral. This happens a lot. The cruise ships come in almost every day, and no one ever knows where they're going. Most tourists don't speak Spanish, so I've become handy with non-verbal communication.
I pointed toward the cathedral, but they shook their heads and made a gesture and clicking sound. The international sign for "Can you please take my picture?" I reached for the camera and they shook their heads and pointed at me. They wanted to take my picture. Not just of me, but with their group. They handed their camera to a passerby and crowded around me. What else could I do but smile?
The passerby seemed amused by my confusion, so he stuck around and translated for me. The group of tourists explained that they do this everywhere they go; they have their photo taken with a friendly local. They'd been walking around Palma for a few hours, and had almost given up on finding someone, after being accosted by sketchy street vendors and aggressive taxi drivers. Then they saw me smile at the baby bird and they knew I was their friendly Palma local. They asked me where the cathedral was, I pointed toward it, they handed me 20 Euros and were on their way.
I laughed. This was crazy! 20 Euros for not even five minutes of my time?
By this time, we'd attracted quite a crowd, and more tourists asked for photos and directions. After about 15 minutes of photos with complete strangers, I walked to McDonald's 200 Euros richer. It was more than I made after a full day of work at my full-time job!
That was my light bulb moment. I'll pose with tourists for a living! I will be the unofficial ambassador to my island! I will save my family from the brink of poverty! I couldn't stop smiling, even as the fry grease splattered my apron.
"Are you crazy?!" Marta wasn't as excited as I was. "You can't just quit your job! What if the next cruise ship doesn't want to take pictures with you?"
She was right. I had to do a test run to make sure this was a viable idea.
I made sure to leave for work 20 minutes early every day for the next month to ensure I was at the port when the cruise ships arrived. And each day, the tourists came. "Smile!" they said, and the money followed after I pointed them to the cathedral. I brought home anywhere from 100 to 350 Euros per day!
Marta still wasn't convinced, but she gave her blessing. "If it doesn't work out, there's always Burger King," she added dryly. I gave McDonald's my notice.
The day before my "first day at work", I wracked my brain wondering how to make it special. I took a walk to clear my head and glimmer caught my eye. A crusader costume in the party store window. The cathedral was ordered to be built by a crusader, it's our top tourist attraction. Could this be any more perfect?
So here I am. The cruise ship arrives in 10 minutes. I'm dressed as a crusader. Let's do this.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Yoga Class Inner Monologue
Great. I'm five minutes late so the only open spot is front and center.
Breathe in, breathe out. Make sure to count and make your breaths even.
Stretch and bend. Am I doing this right? Better sneak a glance at the person next to me without breaking my pose.
The teacher is correcting me a lot. This is why I hate the front row. I'm leaving work early next week.
Oh hell no. I will not be that person who farts in yoga class.
Seriously? I can't bend like that. Especially not while holding back gas.
Control your breathing! Focus!
I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. Why am I so sweaty?
Ok, we're at the end of class where we lie down and close our eyes. We're supposed to meditate, but I will use this time to plan the rest of my night and stress about work tomorrow. At least I don't have to fart anymore.
This music is really soothing. My mind is clearing. I feel connected with the floor and world around me. So peaceful... zzzz...
"Namaste. Thank you for coming."
Dammit.
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